““Perhaps it takes a purer faith to praise God for unrealized blessings than for those we once enjoyed or those we enjoy now.”” -A.W. Tozer
I was first diagnosed with Depression toward the end of 2005. It was a devastating diagnosis to me. Not because I was ashamed to be touched by the word “depression”, but because I was shocked to find out that these were words that could possibly ever describe me! Natural born sunny disposition aside, I usually choose to look at things through rose-colored glasses, find the silver lining in every possible situation, and see the best in people.
However, I also consider myself practical, and more of a realist than a dreamer.
So, back in the fall of 2005, when Sweetman and I first received Sweetboy’s Autism diagnosis, I wasn’t completely taken by surprise.
But, you can bet your bippy that I was surprised to hear The Counselor utter the word “Depression”. To describe me! And this, just months after receiving Sweetboy’s diagnosis.
God and I? We were tight at the time. I wasn’t asking Him “Why?”. I was begging him to show me how to parent this child He’d decided Sweetman and I could handle. Because, clearly, I didn’t feel like I could handle this kind of parenting.
As evidenced by my, you know, sitting in the chair facing The Counselor.
Thanks to the encouragement and Godly wisdom that this Christian Counselor poured into me that year, I learned some important things. Things that carried me through then, and continue to carry me through, even now.
1) “I can do all things through Christ Jesus, who strengthens me.” (Philippians 4:13) Oh, indeed I can. Maybe not immediately; but, if I am faithful to pray and commit my way, my plans, my hopes to Him, I most certainly can. I am blessed to be called Mama, and some days, I just needed to start the day by crying out in thankfulness for that one thing. Anything else that I am to take on for the day, I needed (and still need) to remember will be accomplished through Christ. Amen?
2) Take note of the kindling. Oh, how I must take note of any kindling that’s going on. Kindling is a metaphorical term used to describe those little tiny embers of suffering that can can be fanned into a full-on Five Alarm Fire, if not tended to. In Psychology, it is often used to describe one who is going through nothing big and everything small. That seemingly endless pile of Everything Small grows until, finally, your body decides it’s had enough and begins to show symptoms of deep stress.
I feel some kindling going on, lately, my friends. And it could become an arsonists dream, if I don’t get on my knees about it. I need to focus on God. Here. Right here, in the midst of all of this potential kindling.
“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”
I can fan the flames of thankfulness by remembering that God is not a Firestarter, but The Fire Quencher.
“For I will pour out water to quench your thirst
and to irrigate your parched fields.”
I’m resting in the Hope that I have. Hope that springs to life at the thought of unrealized blessings. I choose not to fan the flames of death by a thousand cuts, but to fan the flames of a thankful heart, catching fire at the thought of all that there can be or even could be, to be thankful for.
“What am I doing in the meantime, Lord?
Hoping, that’s what I’m doing—hoping”