Oh, dear John!! I am NOT a good patient. No. Truly. Just ask Dr. Patience, my childhood pediatrician, about the time when I was 7 and had to get stitches under my chin for jumping into the pool backwards and forgetting to bring my chin in with me. He would tell you that I screamed bloody murder until they had almost all available staff holding me down to begin the stitching. At which point, I stopped dead still and screamed “WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! I HAVE to kiss my daddy first!” Nice stall tactic, hmm? Or, you could ask that same pediatrician how many staff members had to help him hold me down for my necessary vaccinations. At age 21. Or maybe, you’d prefer to ask my OB what sent her scrambling for her chart in the middle of labor with my first child as I screamed over and over that “I’m telling you all that I am ALLERGIC to needles!” (She clearly didn’t appreciate my humor.)
Fast forward to now. Here I sit with stitches in my belly for a mole removal that didn’t quite clear the margins first time around. Apparently, the recuperative process for this minor procedure prompts such comments as “Stay off your feet for 48 hours.” Umm, really? “No heavy lifting for 2 weeks.” Who lifts my SweetBoy when he has a nightmare? “Try to take it easy for a few days.” Huh? What does that even look like as a mama of two younger kidlets, one elderly SweetDog, a SweetMan who routinely can’t find things right under his nose… You get the point. How does one recuperate under those circumstances? No, really. I’d like to know how ya’ll do it? Because, let me tell ya, it’s
a bit very disconcerting to realize that if you accidentally pick up your crying child, you will rip open said stitches. I’m trusting in these stitches to do their job people! And if they don’t? That would be very very bad; because, did I mention I’m allergic to needles?