Hard to Read

This note that Sweetboy let fly down from the second floor after an especially difficult (and totally Devil Dog worthy) day, was So Very Hard for me to read.

 

It hurt.  It hurt So Very Much to read that my Sweetboy, whom God created in unique and quirky and wonderful ways, was feeling this way.  He’s been going through a rough patch where he questions why God made him they way He did, why he (Sweetboy) doesn’t have any hobbies like other kids his age do, and what (if anything) he’s good at (there is So Very Much that he is good at!). It’s in these very raw moments that I’m so easily tempted to rail with him. But I will not.

Why am I sharing something so private with you?  I’d be willing to bet my last Devil Dog that there are more than a few of you out there who have kidlets (typical or not) who’ve felt the same way at one time or another. Heck, I’d bet some of us, ourselves, have felt this way at one time or another. True?

And I refuse to allow the enemies of Isolation, Depression, or Angst to persuade me to wallow in this by myself.  There is strength in numbers.  And community.  I’m blessed to know the power that a well timed “Say That!”, or “Been There!” can bring; especially to a battle weary mama who just can’t move forward without a whole lotta’  Heaven-sent wind blowing at her back.

There is, however, always a silver lining.  Sometimes, we get to see, this side of Heaven, how in the blue blazes all of this mess comes together. And sometimes, we don’t. But, it always does. Oh yes indeedy.  That’s a promise.  One I cling to in these moments.  In fact, I’m pretty sure I left nail marks where I was clinging so hard on this particular day.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

Please, don’t mistake me.  That waiting until it does finally all make sense? Or even some of it finally makes a tad bit of sense?  It can be downright agonizing.  There is always the temptation to move forward in our own strength, what little is left. Or in our own might, what little we can muster.  Or with our own plans, so carefully conceived.

But, if we’ll wait patiently, hands outstretched to The Only One who can make it all clear?  We might just get something like this:

That’s called “sending in the Reinforcements”!

 

And Just. Like. That.  A downward spiral is halted in its tracks.  A renewing of the mind takes place that couldn’t before.  A hope is restored to all involved.

 

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

Does this mean that everything is rosy all over?  Not a chance.  Life is messy. In this house, it gets Messy with a little Crazy thrown in for good measure.  But.  But!  We have a hope that will not disappoint.

Then you will know that I am the Lord;
those who hope in me will not be disappointed.”

Isaiah 49:23

And that?  That’s not hard to read At All.

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25 thoughts on “Hard to Read

  1. Many thoughts here, but a late night and too much dessert are making it hard for me to think straight! I’m sorry he felt that way, and that your mama heart was hurting. God is making all things new, and one day it will be complete. Love to you.

  2. Reinforcements or a united front. The two of you have always put God first when thinking about your children and your lives and that is why you will be successful. It always hurts when our children hurt, but any time the lines of communication are open things are good! When silence occurs look out…
    The Nana

  3. This makes my heart hurt. I worry about one of my children. I pray for God to show me what he excels in so I can encourage him. Dad did exactly the perfect thing. I’m just not sure what the perfect thing is to do every day. But show them love.

  4. I have so, so, so been there. It’s good that he communicates to you his distress. A circle of friends, protectors really, were a big help to my son. His circle of friends were in marching band. His protectors were the football team. A wonderful youth group was also instrumental. I pray that you can find these for your son. My verses are I Thessalonians 5:16-18. Rejoice, pray, give thanks. And James 1:5, ” If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” I did a lot of crying out to God while raising my kids. (There is precedent to beseeching God in the Psalms.)

    • Ann, I so appreciate the reminder that our greatest Aid and Comfort are just a “shout out” away. James 1:5 is a wonderful verse to keep running through my head in these times (and many others during our parenting journey), too.

  5. Missy, I’m so sorry, but I’m thankful you guys know how to send in the reinforcements!:) This is so beautiful! It reaches the heart. Thank you for sharing.

  6. His note hurt my heart, too. I’ve been there and had notes and words like that from my girl. Praise Jesus He allows those moments so that we can teach and shape and pour Truth into their souls at a deep and powerful level. Awesome note from Daddy, by the by. 🙂

  7. Thanks for sharing. And, you definitely know I share your pain. As I head into the teen years, there seems to be so much insecurity. (Dr. Dobson says that is normal in his book) But, I haven’t been prepared for all the feelings I would have along the way. And, the daunting challenge of letting them see who “I” see when I look at them. And, letting them see how God really sees them. And having them believe! I will pray for a special something to happen to him that will lift his spirits.

  8. I wonder what a note like that from my father would have done for me way back when? Not that he and mom didn’t try in their own way, but they raised me without a village… and must have thought their daughter was insane. Thank goodness for our villages. Thank goodness for examples like yours… of how we can make small, positive steps for our kiddos in those terribly confusing, rough years of adolescence.

  9. Missy, thanks so much for sharing. Being a mom is like living with our heart outside our body, isn’t it? When they hurt, we hurt (a lot) Seeing them in pain, whether physical or emotional, is almost unbearable. I’m glad you can use your faith to get through those times. Something to think about for me!

  10. I love Daddy’s note. Poor kid. We all feel like this some days. Some of us are just too afraid to say it or write it. I think it’s pretty great that he shares his feelings with you like that. I always pray that my kids will continue to talk to me the way they do now. Now, they are more willing to spill their guts. I want it stay that way. Recently my daughter told me something and then, after I responded, she said, “Oh, I was kinda afraid to tell you that at first. I thought you would get mad.” I’m glad she said it. It made me more aware of how I respond to her. Anyway, prayers for your little guy.

    To tell you the truth, I needed to read this post for myself today, so thank you for writing it.
    ~FringeGirl

    • Daddy is a keeper. And I think it’s stinkin’ awesome (and hopeful on my end!) that your kidlets still “spill their guts” to you. Thank you for the prayers. We take any and all that we can get!

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