I’m working through an online Bible study of the book, “Let. It. Go.” by Karen Ehman. It is so stinkin’ good! I think that’s about the heartiest endorsement of a study that I could ever give. Each time I read another one of her comical examples of trying to over-control her husband, children, or situations, I think, “YES! That is so me!” And then, I sigh rather loudly as I realize that yes, that is indeed so me.
Do you know what I mean?
“People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7
That verse used to bring me a large measure of comfort. Especially in my teens, 20’s, 30’s and… well, shoot! Let’s just say it’s been a great comfort for a looong time. While feeling beautiful has always been a struggle for me, I haven’t given two hoots about how I look on the outside, of late. And I mean that in the most positive way possible. True story!
What I have been struggling with, though, is how I look and feel on the inside. Because, recently, I’m snippy and snappy and frazzled and stressed. And all my harsh words make for so much ugliness on the inside. I don’t like it! I don’t like it one bit! Not how it makes me feel; and certainly not how it makes others feel.
I have sorely needed some Divine intervention into All The Harshness. There are things happening around here that are so out of my control that it’s laughable. I’m not sure if it’s more laughable that I still believed I had some semblance of control over these happenings or that I flat out didn’t. Either way, it has become laughable. You know that maniacal laugh that begins deep in the pit of your gut and bubbles it’s way right up outta your mouth? Yeah. That kind of laughable.
I am slowly coming to the earth-shattering conclusion that I really can not control everything. Shocker!
And I’ve tried. Oh, how I’ve tried. Just ask The Nana! She’ll tell you. If ever there was a Plotter and a Planner, it’s me. Or ask Sweetman. Lord knows that he puts up with his fair share, and then some, of All The Harshness. And I can’t imagine that these tendencies of mine will magically disappear anytime soon.
There is hope, however. I’m about half-way through this book, chock full of wisdom for any woman who thinks she’s got the reigns. And I can already see that I’m learning to Let. It. Go. One small step at a time. And it feels so good. And right. It feels… right.
Even better? I’m starting to feel a tad more pretty on the inside, again. Not that my insides will ever be Barbie-ish. We all know that they’ll never be perfect this side of glory, right?
But better. And softer.
This little prayer of mine? It’s getting a lot of airtime this week:
“Lord! Make the words of my mouth softer and gentler. Make the thoughts of my heart kinder and calmer. In Jesus’ name, Amen!”
And each time that I recognize that my words are indeed gentler and softer or kinder and calmer? Well, that is beautiful!
Oh, yes indeedy!