Selfish. I’ve been feeling so selfish, lately. And now I can’t get a particular Veggie Tales segment out of my head. “Stop! Being! So! Selfish!” Sometimes, I really just want all the bananas. Or, all of the strawberries. All to myself. Only, lately? The bananas represent hours and the strawberries represent minutes, and I can’t quite give them over to the One who provided me with them in the first place.
I take and eat and gorge and want for more. And it doesn’t satisfy. I wonder, in those moments of “too-tight” schedule, or jeans, or both, why I can’t just allow the God of All Creation to dole out the amount of bananas or strawberries (or maybe even grape-like seconds?) as He sees fit.
Why must my own sense of entitlement and desire must come crashing in to ruin a perfectly good melding of Giver and Gift.
He gives me this:
And I ask for more?
Sometimes, I feel like I’m still 14 instead of the other way around.
This is all coming about because I’m horrified by my Sweetgirl’s behavior lately. I take it as a hit to my Parenting.
But, if I’ll get real honest with myself, my own selfishness is obviously starting to rub off. And I don’t like the fallout of that. Not one bit.
Time to go back to that One Word of mine, for 2013 and dig into it again. Intentional. I must pray for intentionality. I can’t expect her to be thankful and self-less if I’m not. Why that’s been so all-fired hard to remember lately, I have no idea. But, indeed, I’ve been forgetting.
And so, I’m writing it out there for all the world to read.
In hopes that I’ll get some earthly accountability.
Because, parenting is tough enough. Doing it without people praying for you, though? That’s even tougher.
I know there are some of you who are praying for me even as you finish reading this. Thank you! Now, how can I pray for you?