I’ve been digging in my heels quite a bit, lately. Maybe you’ve been here too? Both my heels and my heart are becoming callused. And, it ain’t pretty!
I can feel the very moment when I know it’s going to happen. Pride rears its ugly head and I refuse to call it for what it is.
And so, I dig in those heels, ready to do battle.
Have you ever tried to do battle in heels? It’s not easy. And, I don’t know about you, but I usually end up on my backside, bruised and confused.
Can I tell you? I’ve become weary of doing battle. Finally, I’m realizing that I’ve been refusing some of the very things that would remove these ugly calluses from me.
Now, I know full well, that refusal can be a very good thing. Mary refused to busy herself, instead choosing to sit at the feet of the most amazing Teacher and Lover of a soul that could ever walk this earth. Job refused to take the counsel of friends trying to get him to see reason, and instead, trusted in this Great God who allowed the worst to bring out His best. Ruth, who refused to leave her former mother-in-law for a better daily existence, dug in and Stuck. It. Out. And, ended up being included in the lineage of Jesus Christ – The Savior of All!
Those sorts of Good Refusals haven’t been on my mind, though. What’s been on repeat in this head of mine is this sort of thinking: “I need more time for myself. I need fewer demands placed upon me. I need to keep my schedule more open for A Possibility.”
I need. I need. I need.
Allow myself to annoy myself.
Because, I surely have.
These refusals? I’m all done with them!
Time. It’s temporary. And, I do not even fathom it in its current form. My Maker? He does. I can rest in that. He knows exactly when I need more of it. God will, indeed, provide more time, if and when He knows I need it.
Demands. The ones placing the demands are gifts. I’m not saying that to be trite. I listened to the heartbreak and anguish of three friends, Three Beautiful Souls, just in the past few weeks, alone, who lost pregnancies. And I dare to complain that the “demands” of the children God blessed this unworthy womb with, are too great? For shame. Truly.
Calendars. Blurry days and jam-packed weeks aside, my calendar does include some Very Important Things. Things that must be written in stone for the good of this family that I am blessed to be a part of. But, if I’ll take an honest look at most of the other things, from an eternal perspective? They’re really not all that important.
Ultimately, it’s not about me. For one who struggles so mightily with feeling worthwhile, this lesson seems awfully difficult for me to master. I so pray it isn’t always. It’s almost as if I can write it out here, and see my decrepit mindset for what it is, only to forget it days or weeks later, when life gets All Hectic again.
It’s becoming clear that therein lies my prescription for peace. I must clear some of The Hectic out. For the good of this sweet family that has been entrusted to me – and I to them.
Choose what is better. I want to do that. Don’t we all?
And so, I will.
I’m ditching those heels and setting myself on The Firm Foundation.
What about you? Is there a little too much of The Hectic in your life lately, too? Where can you see places to choose better?