Take The Shower

Recently, I learned an important lesson.

A lesson about showers.


The day that you think you have all the breathing room in the world?  You know, the one where you don’t need to get dressed in anything other than fuzzy slippers and cruddy shorts; and you certainly don’t need to put on make-up? That wildly free day that no child has to be anywhere and you are scheduled for no exercise and no errands, and so, really, why shower?

Take the shower!

And, for the love of everyone’s eyeballs, at least don’t wear the shorts with the broken zipper and too-short-t-shirt to see one of your dearest friends. No, please don’t!

You know why?

Here’s why.

Your car might start acting up on the way there.  Acting up much like a bucking bronco would when you tried to harness it for the first time.

Then, just when you decide that you might be able to make it across the finish line of your dear friend’s doorstep after all, to call the car doctor, the babysitter might call to cancel. For your date night. You know, the one that you missed last month because the kids were sick. And better still, the car doctor will tell you that acting up of this sort is going to require an overnight stay at the auto hospital.

You will realize, quickly, that you should have taken the shower.

Or, at least done a bit of plucking.

And possibly even brushed your teeth for longer than 6 seconds.

And put on shorts that didn’t have a broken zipper.

(I kept meaning to get that zipper fixed, and… well-played Captain Procrastination!)

Then, THEN, when you pull into the car doctor’s parking lot, you won’t suddenly develop an overwhelming sense of Procrastinator’s Regret as you step out of the car and catch sight of those 3 stray hairs that did. not. get. plucked.  Or, of the zipper that is perpetually down and the t-shirt that is simply too short to be able to hide it.  Or the fact that your legs aren’t shaved and your toenails could also have stood some grooming.

But no. Not now.

Now, I was staring into the eyes of the car doctor’s receptionist, silently willing her to LOOK IN MY EYES WOMAN, and not at the stray hairs sprouting from my chin! And please, for the love of dollars that are scarce, tell me there will only be two zeros after that final number at the bottom of the bill when we return to discharge the automotive patient tomorrow!

No. Now, I was spending the next 30 minutes calling around, frantically looking for another babysitter that Sweetboy felt comfortable enough to leave him with. 

Which, was a feat not accomplished on 7 hours notice. SHOCKER!

Now, I was worn out, frazzled, and fried.

WITH chin hairs, leg hair, and toes au-naturel`.

There is good news, though.

By day’s end, I had taken that shower, shaved those legs, plucked those unruly suckers, AND painted my toenails.

More importantly though, the car made it out of surgery.




But next time, I’ll take the shower.

Yes indeedy.

17 thoughts on “Take The Shower

  1. Pingback: He Looks Like This | MISSINDEEDY

  2. I just love your writing…

    I never have it happen that I’ll run down to the local mini mart (all our town has) to grab a drink or York Peppermint Patty – or get gas – & see EVERYONE from church.
    Hey – it IS the only place to go to in our town.. so makes sense 🙂

    Hilarious and biting and very real.Your story telling is entrancing….. I never want your posts to end.

    and even through this anecdote I learned some very valuable lessons. because Miss Missy, I Jesi Rae am always the one to skip the shower and then wish I hadn’t. Never fails. You’d think I’d learn. but nooooooooo, I never, ever do.
    Thank you for this.

  4. Oh my! I’m cracking up over here (not at you, my friend, with you… unless you’re not laughing, then, well?). Because I can so relate. Had one of them there morning myself recently. Thought I’d pop into Target right quick, early in the morning. EARLY. When nobody but workers should’ve been there. And I looked like you described in your post. Only to run into one of the pastors at my church. Ah, good times! 🙂 I just love your writing, girl. Pleasure stopping by. Gotta go shower now and get ready for the day.

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