Once upon a time, there was a teenage driver. She was eager to master these newly acquired driving skills so that she could have more freedom. And independence. Because those things were important to her.
Day after day, she followed the rules, stayed within the lines, and was careful not to gun it as she noticed the red lights turn to glorious green. She heeded all of her mother’s (completely panicked) warnings to “SLOW DOWN!”. Her longing for the ability to drive around unhindered only grew with each practice run she had to make as she drove her father to work. She patiently endured every foot mash as her parents frantically stepped down in hopes that the brakes had magically transferred to the right side of the car.
And all of these things she would bear, while she continued to do what needed to be done correctly.
And then, the day finally arrived! All of the earnest practice and fervent desire paid off as that teenager earned her driver’s license.
She drove carefully, at first, appreciative of the gift her license provided her to drive around alone.
With each new month on the road though, her bravery grew. She tried new routes. Every errand run for a parent took a little longer than necessary. She offered to drive her friends everywhere, when her friends couldn’t drive themselves.
She became confident in her skills.
So, she began taking some risks to test out the limitations of this new ability. She rolled through a stop sign. Then she took a right turn on red.
The night she came home thirty minutes past curfew. Those minutes felt like hours. No, days! The Captain would be disappointed in her. She hated the shame disappointment would bring. So she drove faster to get down the street quicker.
She was almost there. Six more houses. Four more houses. Two…
And suddenly, trash cans appeared out of nowhere; metal trash bins, to boot. She swerved, but too late. Those barrels were wrecked up somethin’ awful. As was the car’s fender.
But her heart? Her confidence in her ability?
They were wrecked up good.
She walked in the door and came nose to nose with the Face of Disappointment, Himself.
Only, it was concern in his voice. Not disappointment.
“Are you alright?”
“Did you hurt the trash cans?”
“But you’re alright.”
“Then I think you’ve learned your lesson.”
I didn’t realize it then, but I do now. And I didn’t see, then, how desperately I was seeking to get my “good enough” outside of God’s approval of me.
In “A Confident Heart”, by Renee Swope, she speaks to this.
“Trying to get our “good enough” outside of God’s promises and provision will always create insecurity and obstruct our relationship with Him and with other people.”
Oh, what truth.
I didn’t see it then.
I do now.
And, much like the trash cans that I watch for closely, even to this day, I am on the lookout for God’ approval. I feel like, lately, I have hit a few proverbial trash cans. It’s been good for my heart. It reminds me that I’m not paying attention to the Love I already have.
He loves me whether I’m wrecked up good or only a little.
Oh, yes indeedy.
And I am so grateful.
How’s your heart? Do you need to be reminded that His Grace makes you good enough already?
Today, I am linking up again with the community over at Proverbs 31 Ministries’ Online Bible Study. We meet together, daily, to discuss “A Confident Heart” by Renee Swope. Click the button below to see what other heart confidence is growing as we study together.