Fifteen Years Strong

Sweetman and I have been married for fifteen years.

Can we just stop and take a few moments, please?

I’d like to take one moment to marvel at the fact that this girl, right here, who never thought she’d get married, ever, has settled pretty comfortably into married life with this guy.

Monogamy isn’t something that’s necessarily glorified nowadays, is it? Add Christ into the marriage equation, and most folks find that downright antiquated.

But, here I am – in a marriage that is not only centered on Christ, but that is also thriving.

And I LIKE IT!

I apologize for the yelling letters, but it’s true.

There are surely days that I most definitely do NOT like it, just as there are days that I pretty much love it. I know I’m not alone in that. Some days, we have to apply a thick layer of grace to our interactions. Finances, anyone? And, I’m just going to admit what many of us probably experience – many a married morning starts out with a quick smooch for the day, and that is all that carries us from one to the next. But, just like you would find the average in math, all days considered, I am solidly in the “liking it” camp.

I’d grab another moment just to celebrate and say WOOHOOTY! I mean, as Sweetman always says, that like Thirty Celebrity Years!

Indeed.

And, I’d be remiss if I didn’t take one final moment to thank God for yoking me with a man who will bear more than his share of our life’s burdens. Because, he does. Man… does he ever! Grace, modeled right in this house. Almost daily.

The days in and out of a married life aren’t always seamless. We’ve ridden some bumpy roads together, Sweetman and I. But, God, in His desire to see mutual honor and respect in this commitment, has proven faithful to get us through. Together.

I’ve learned a couple of things about staying committed. I’d like to share what works for us, here.

1. Hug once a week. Like, a good long hug. It doesn’t have to be that kind of hug. But, I can assure you, standing in your kitchen after a week of being ships passing in the night, one good 20 second hug will do something pretty great for you both.

2. Have a good fight once in a while. And then make up. I’d like to just remind you that I’m sharing what works for us.  I know there is research out there saying that “strong disagreements” aren’t good for a marriage. But, I’ve looked at plenty more that says the opposite. And, quite frankly, I’ve lived my own stinkin’ study, right here in this house! A good strong disagreement, once in a while, does wonders for the spunk of a marriage. Reminding yourselves, after the making up, how your strengths so nicely dovetail his weaknesses, is a very good thing.

3. Get wise counsel. I’m going to boldly step out and make a statement here that might lose me a few online friends. Your girlfriend that just called off her engagement? No matter how godly she is, that is not the wise counsel you should be seeking about marriage matters. And, men? Your best bro that just signed divorce papers? Nope. Neither is he. That older couple from church that always holds hands, even at 88? Yeah. Them. Find someone who’s been around the block a time or four. Wise counsel knows that those fiery feelings burning a hole in your heart Right This Minute? They’ll pipe down a bit soon enough. And they’ll tell you that.

These few things aren’t going to make a bad marriage good. Nor will they repair deeper heart hurts that require some pastoral care, and maybe a PhD. But, they will help move you in the right direction.

Oh, yes indeedy!

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So, what works for you? Do you have some tried and true marriage tips  that you’d be willing to share here for us?

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This post is day 15 in the Write 31 Days challenge.

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13 thoughts on “Fifteen Years Strong

  1. Pingback: 31 Days of Grace | Missindeedy

  2. Ahhh – happy Anniversary!!!!
    My advice – Go with Frozen & Elsa… let it go… things that don’t matter that can easily turn into a big deal, learn to not let them blow up. So many stupid fights over so many stupid things… marriage. Always an adventure.

    • Well, this post was misleading… Anniversary was back in August – but thank you, my friend! Let it go. Yes. Often. Always an adventure, indeed!

  3. Are you kidding — 15 years is like 40 in celebrity years! 🙂 Congrats friend. Truly something to celebrate and thank God for. Love your wisdom! I would add to trust the intentions and heart of your spouse…that their truest intention is to never hurt you. When I get my feelings hurt about something, I step back and remind myself that Greg never intentionally seeks out to hurt me…and most of the time my feelings get hurt because I “heard” something he never came close to saying. That wisdom was given to me ages ago and has carried me through almost 12 years! ❤

    • You know? It totally IS more like 40 Celebrity Years! 🙂 That is SUCH a great piece of advice that our mentors gave me about a decade ago. I work on that. It’s my achilles heel.

  4. WoooooHoooooooo congratulations of 15 years!!! We’re just coming up on 2 years in a few weeks but one thing I have learned is to talk!! We talk even if it hurts because the silence cuts deeper.

  5. Hey Missy! How are you, friend? What a good post. I like point #2, because it’s not something that would normally be included in marriage advice. But it’s true. No two people think exactly alike. You’re going to have disagreements and they’ll come out from time to time for the rest of your marriage. But it’s a beautiful thing when you can work them out and see what each of you brings to your marriage. How God uses each of you to sharpen one another. Anyway, it’s been sooo long. I’ve needed to come visit. Say hi and give you my love. Hope you’re doing well!

    • Jacqui! I have missed you, ,sweet friend! Seeing how God uses each of us to sharpen the other is one of my favorite things about a marriage relationship. I’m so glad you stopped by and I can’t wait to see what new beautiful photographs you have taken!

    • Thank you Barbie! Although we celebrated back in August, it’s good to remind myself of the beauty to be found in commitment, as often as possible.

  6. First — MUCHO, MUCHO congratulations to the two of you! Second — can I just say that I ❤ ❤ ❤ everything about your post today? #3 is a BIG BIGGY in my eyes!!

    For me, I've also never complained or told "secrets" about my husband to my friends (his driving doesn't count because everyone in town knows how he drives 😉 ) But seriously, even before becoming a believer, I always felt there were some things that were meant to be between husband and wife ONLY. Through the years I have met ladies who like to share everything about their marriage from their sex life to money problems, and I believe those are PERSONAL — between you, your spouse and the LORD.

    Happy anniversary, my sweet friend!! May the LORD bless you two with MANY more happy years together!

    In His Love,
    Pat

    • Pat, thank you! You touched on something so incredibly important. I am so glad that you shared that here. I think all of us could use reminding that, sometimes, the two of us are the only peeps who need to know. Such good advice!

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