A Different Kind of Twitter Party

Within one week of moving into the “new house”, five years ago, I received an early morning wake-up call.

I detest early morning wake-up calls.

This particular “howdy” came at 4:00 in the morning.

That’s not even morning time, people!

It hailed from the birds (and I can only assume there were one hundred and seventy-two of them from the cacophony they made) all perched on the one branch hanging closest to my bedroom window.

Sweetman, bless his heart, was sawing logs.

That’s snoring, for you uninitiated.

But these birds, they were determined to have an all-out twitter party. Right outside my bedroom window. I could not, no matter how hard I tried, fall back to sleep with All The Tweeting.

I envisioned a Lookout Bird peeking in my blinds for signs that I was nodding off.

“Twitter… NOW!” I imagined it saying to his tweety peeps.

And they did. Oh, how they did!

For hours.

This same party happens every year around the same time of year.

As in, now.

So, last night…

“I have children to mother, you birds!”

They were unfazed.

I rattled the window.

Ah, that stopped them!

For five seconds.

I decided that a change of venue might lure me back to sleep. So, I tip-toed downstairs and read a Good Word. I wrote a few not-so-good words. I prayed some desperate-for-sleep words.

No sleep.

I trudged back up the stairs hoping, praying, that the dratted Twitter Party was over.

Alas, it was not.

So, I decided to make a game of it by giving each different tweeter a name.

Sarge was the most vocal. And it may well have been a female, because I know in this house…

Sweetpea was melodic. I didn’t mind her so much.

Doodle seemed to have trouble staying with a train of tweet. I feel ya, birdie.

Brutus gave loud quick calls in the midst of all the twittering. Maybe he was the flock’s governing official?

On and on it went. It was quite the twitter party, only, one I had no desire to be at.

And then, finally, somewhere in the midst of Doodle and Sweetpea’s duet, I fell asleep.


Only to wake up to my sweetchildren announcing, “Mama! Wake up! The birds are singing.”


After five years, I’ve finally gotten smart. For, today, I asked Mr. Google, “How do I scare away unwanted birds?”  He was not very helpful, as most of the advice provided involved finding an acceptable noise to drown out the singing. Useless because 1) I already use a box fan for sound and 2) Snore-a-saurus is in the bed next to me.

Wading through talk of territorial males and migratory bird law, I was able to uncross my eyes long enough to stumble across a possible solution.

If you need me, I’ll be searching for bird netting. And stringing it across every tree in my front yard.

And, if you don’t hear from me for a couple of days?

It worked.


5 thoughts on “A Different Kind of Twitter Party

  1. Have you ever seen the Grumpy Cat post where he says “I hate morning people. I hate mornings and I hate people.”? Welllll, that is so me! I am an absolute bear in the morning. 4 a.m.? I DO. Not. Think. So! I love birds, they are cute as can be and my absolute favorite are Love Birds…do I actually HAVE them? Ummm, NO! Why would I do that to myself every morning? Step 1: Fall out of bed. Step 2: Trip and bounce off of walls as I stumble through the house looking for caffeine to make me live before my husband wakes up needing breakfast and my little bitty (4 month old son, Mason) wakes up in serious need of a change from his all night diaper. Step 3: After taking my first few gulps of a caffeinated beverage, probably Pepsi since I don’t drink coffee in warm weather, I would walk over to take the blanket off of the bird cage and be subjected to tweets and twitters before it is even dawn outside!
    That is how I envision my mornings if I had Love Birds…well, Steps 1 & 2 DO happen so why add to that? I am with you all the way. I wonder if you could get less noise and more sleep if you used thick drapes of some kind on your windows? That isn’t ever person’s cup of tea but I keep my room cool and dark. It is my cave. At this moment, I have one of those small(ish) cyclone fans on along with a window unit air conditioner, an air purifier and a projector that also has white noise, which I have set to ‘Rain’ going. I can hear NOTHING from in here.

  2. Yes, but you would be in bed by 8:30… 🙂 And think of those long, sweet winter sleeps without birds! I actually can’t feel your pain here, because I love waking up to birds. Now my cat scratching at the door at 3:30 am is a different story…

  3. I feel you. When I was young and lived near the beach in So Cal there was a flock of parents, rogue parrots because Lord knows they weren’t indigenous, who welcomed the sun during the summer months. Cacophonous. But I always wondered…birds are nature’s wake up call. What are we missing when we don’t sleep by natural rhythms anymore?

    • All I can say to that is, if waking up to natures call at 4 AM is a natural rhythm, I don’t want to be natural!

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