A Deep Sigh and a Big Breath

This thing, being human, I model it all wrong for my children, sometimes.  It’s a thing of beauty, miraculous, really, those few times that I get it right. But so often, I get it all wrong.

We’re only given this time.  Right here.  Right now.  And lately, I find myself sighing.  A lot.

Here, includes some heartache.

Now, includes some waiting.

I’m trying to remember, moment by moment, that it if I lean hard on the God who allows this.  If I bury my nose in His book.  If I don’t forget that He plopped me into this here 2013 for a reason…

Then, I can take a big breath and let out a deep sigh; and count this, now, for the joy that it is.

Sticker_Story_Kinda_Day_Blog

Yes, indeedy.

I’m linking up with Lisa-Jo Baker for her Five Minute Friday writing prompt.  In her own words, “This is where a brave and beautiful bunch gather every week to find out what comes out when we all spend five minutes writing on the same topic and then sharing ‘em over here.”  Click the button below to join us.  Or, to take some time to read and be encouraged.  You’ll be mighty glad you did. Promise!

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Five Minute Friday – Grasp

I’m linking up with Tales From A Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday again.  Free-writing for 5 minutes flat.  No editing. No overthinking.  Just write it!

Grasp…

Your inability to grasp the deeper meaning behind my facial expressions is sometimes beyond my ability to accept.  I beam at you with pride as you wear  your I-don’t-give-a-rip Autism colors so brightly.  I look at you, my eyebrows like giant question marks, as I try to decode the phrase you’ve just used to tell me what you want.  I swipe away angry hot tears at the unwanted attention your fierce loyalty to the “red swing ONLY!” brings.  You notice none of it.  You only grasp happy or mad.  And I am neither.

I am, however, your mama.  And I am swollen with another life inside of me.  I wonder if this one will be different?  Will she grasp what a treasure you are to our family?  Will she flare with annoyance when your Autism rears it’s sometimes-uglier head in her affairs.  Will she realize that she was born for this very family?  Another puzzle piece.  Like the very many we’ve spent the last years gathering together about you?

My prayer for you, my child with Autism, who has brought us such a beautiful range of emotions in a spectrum I never could have imagined?  My prayer is that you will grasp how very deeply you are loved.  Not just by us, the other pieces in your family puzzle, but by a God who made you exactly the way that you are.  And what are you? You, my child, are thepuzzle piece that connects us all together, here on this earth.

And I can grasp that.  Oh, indeed I do!

“And I pray that you…. may…grasp how wide and how long and how high and how deep is the love of Christ…”

Ephesians 3:17,18

STOP

Just so as ya’ know, I am NOT pregnant again.  This was actually adapted from an old journal entry from 2008.  It’s funny how rereading old thoughts can spark a new perspective.  I love how this word did that for me!