If Grace Had an Instagram Feed

What would it look like, do you imagine?

If Grace, the actual I-died-so-you-could-be-loved-perfectly-forever, had an Insta feed, what pictures do you figure we could scroll through?

I have a few ideas. You must, too.

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I’m guessing Grace will get a kick out of posting pictures of my favorite snack foods with snappy captions like, “Devil Dogs in 2 easy steps!” or “Swiss Cake Rolls for Days!”. And Grace will use a beautiful filter on the pic and He’ll layer over the verse from Proverbs about all things in moderation and He’ll know… He’ll just know that I’m straining against the constraints of my diet and needing a pass for the cheat treat I just had.

I think one would probably have to be a picture of horses nuzzling on a beach with the caption, “Listen Missy, horses need love, too.” And Grace would know, He’d just know that I’d be reeled in by the beach scene. He’d know I couldn’t look away and that He could use my nemesis, as I’ve mentioned here and here and here and here, to remind me that I don’t get to decide who gets love and who doesn’t.

But I think one of my favorites would be a puppy pie pie (and it really wouldn’t matter what kind, as long as it wasn’t a hairless Chihuahua because, He would know that I just can’t even). And anyway, this puppy would be on a boat with it’s hair all wild in the wind, with the caption, “Dog Hair, Don’t Care” to remind me that even when the wind is whipping, He’s got this.

And I am absolutely certain that I’d see a picture of pigs flying. Can’t you just see it? Heavenly pigs winging through the air! And, of course, He’d know that I wouldn’t be able to resist seeing those animals flying and I would, of course, need to thoroughly examine the picture and investigate whether it was modified. And he’d use this one to remind me that Hope is alive and well and flying high, despite what it seems like in the world.

The one I won’t be able to stop liking, though, is the one Grace will put up of my Sweetman in a beach chair with a big ol’ pile of books stacked up in the sand next to him. Man. Candy. Mine. And Grace will just know that I’m needing a reminder (in that post-argumentative moment) of all that I love about That Man. And it’ll totes work, too.

Oh, but you just know that Grace will snap a pic of my sweetkids, at their very cutest of course, on a lake. Or, in a lake. And He’ll be sure that I’ll admire those stinkin’ cute kids while at the same time turning my nose up at the lake (because, Ocean). And I can imagine the caption would be something along the lines of, “Lake people are people too,” because He hears my every inner thought. Especially about lake lovers.

Because, I’m human. And, indeed, sometimes very human.

But Grace doesn’t worry about that.

He knows.

And loves me anyway.

I think I’d like that Insta feed. And I’d be scrolling through it all the live-long day.

And Grace would get all my likes.

Yes indeedy.

**My Instagram feed isn’t nearly as exciting, but in case you missed it, I do indeed have one. Click here to go there.**

Getting To the Other Side

I can raise my hands in the air like I just don’t care. Mostly because I’ve learned, after 40 some years of life that it doesn’t matter much what the person next to me thinks about me. In fact, I’m a firm believer in the adage that what others think of me is none of my business.

We’re trying desperately to get Sweetboy to own that mindset, too. The one of not caring what others think of him.

Recently I pulled on my Smart Mama pants and told him how one of the most comforting verses to me, in all of the Bible, is where we are told that people look at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart.

He was only mildly comforted.

It did, however, distract him. And so, he started perseverating on his looks.

Oh joy.

“But, mama, people are looking at me and seeing my stupid autism!”

Sigh.

I reminded this Sweetboy of mine that it’s okay to detest his Autism. I detest pollen. And allergies. And horses. And clowns.

But, I also (while desperately trying to keep those Smart Mama pants hiked up) reminded him that detesting what is not good should drive us toward what is.

He wasn’t buying what I was selling.

Tempted to hang my head in parenting defeat, I was reminded that although we like to focus on the positive around here, sometimes… sometimes, we have to shine light on the negative to reveal it for what it is.

And, in this case, I recognized some of the hurtful comments from his classmates as Fear.

Seconds away from feeling a parental failure, I remembered that we struggle through the trials so that we can see the mind-blowing beauty on the other side. God’s great reveal, really, is how incredibly beautiful something can look from the other side.

The other side of awful-ugly.

Like, hurtful-ugly comments from preteens whose cheeks you’d like to squeeze clean off their faces. In love, of course.

So, I pulled up those pants and secured them with the belt of Truth. Particularly, 1 Samuel 18. We read through that whole chapter together. We uncovered some treasures.

The truth in this passage was that Jonathan, Saul’s son, found a friend in David, the soon-to-be-king that Jonathan’s father detested. I’m speculating here, out of the ugliness of Saul’s hatred for David came a beautiful realization for Jonathan.

You see, during those dark times, Saul was certainly not pleasant to be around. And, I’m guessing that Jonathan quickly realized, to his relief, that he was not alone. That David, too, suffered the wrath of Saul.

As I shared this story, afresh, with my Sweetboy, I saw light begin to spread through his eyes.

I then relayed that infamous incident during my fifth grade year where I was the recipient of cruel comments because I was the only one who hadn’t shaved my legs yet. The cutting remarks nicked worse than any razor blade ever would.

But, I found a friend, that year. We commiserated during gym about being the only two girls, surely, in the history of ever, whose cruel parents kept them from fitting in.

Miraculously, just as God likes it, grace washed over Sweetboy’s face as he realized that he and his two best buddies had each other. That he wasn’t the only one to be at the receiving end of spew from Jealousy.

“I’m glad I have a possie, mama. They get me.”

Yes indeedy, child.

He realized that he isn’t the only one.

Neither are you.

Nor am I.

And that, friends, is a beautiful truth on the other side.

Oh, Horses!

Sweetgirl recently got a new game for her handed-down Nintendo DS.  And, even though this was one of those rated “E” (for everyone) games, I was having a dickens of a time trying to figure out how best to help her navigate around in it.

Does anyone else feel like you need a PHD in All Things Technological to use these games?  

Anyhoo, I started to lose my marbles around the 8 minute mark. I was trying to figure out how best to teach this silly adorable game to Sweetgirl.

In a fit of frustration, I texted my Tech Support.  Here’s how that went:

Oh_Horses_Missindeedy

Not only did the stinkin’ auto correct feature on my not-so-smart phone NOT correct “dor” with the obviously correct “for”, but, Sweetman also thought it would be funny to insert horses into the equation.

I know exactly what he was thinking.  Fifteen years together will do that.  He thought it would make me giggle and thus diffuse the frustration of the situation.

And y’all… it did!

No matter how this man can aggravate the tar out of me, he is definitely a God-given gift. And, for sure, my better half.

He gets me.  And he’s so good at keeping me together.

Even if it does involve the use of a well-placed horse.

Yes indeedy!

Sometimes, I just have to stop and thank God for the people He’s chosen for me to do life with.  Who could you thank God for today?

Horse War

Equinophobia, Hippophobia, if you prefer, or just plain, “I Don’t Like Horses-aphobia” can all aptly describe me. If you’re new around here, you might want to click over here to get a short backstory about my intense dislike for horses.  I am currently preparing my portion of the Grand Debate that will take place in Heaven.  The one wherein God and I?  We get to “go at it” about why He created the things in the first place. Oh yes indeedy. We are having that conversation.

 

Anywho, a Sweetfriend called the other day to offer me a bag of books for my Sweetgirl.  I, being the book lover that I am, never turn down the opportunity to add more books to our home.  And I didn’t think, for one hot second, that I might need to ask what sorts of books they were.

 

Imagine, then, my horror, upon opening the graciously donated bag, to find these:

 

And then these:

 

Seriously? Is there no end to this?

 

To this, I can only say, “Of course, you realize, this means war!”

I Also Took Some Pictures

So, at BlogHer12, I did take some digital evidence of my involvement.  I shall commence with a little treatise on each picture’s necessity. And, please, stand in awe of my spectacular photog skillz.  No, really.  Some of you could take a page or two out of my picture-taking book.  Let me present you with Exhibit A, or, The Highpoint:

Whereby… I was able to meet a woman whose work I have been reading and following since it began in the P31 Woman magazine more than a decade ago!  Lysa Terkeurst has been writing about being a woman of faith for-evah.  And her insights into our days and issues is as engaging now as it was when I started reading her writing.  She has a new book out called “Unglued”.  Check it out here!

My Eyes! They are crying! See? See? No? Look deep into the glasses.

 

Exhibit B was the low point.  I don’t believe you need any further explanation.  And if you do, please go back to this post for an in-depth analysis of why horses and I?  We don’t mix.

Horror in the streets of NYC!

 

Remember when I told you in the previous post that bowling in a dress, late at night, after a wee glass of wine or three was tricky? I present the evidence:

And the “lesson” from the “Expert” on hand? Epic fail…

I would also kindly ask you to avert your eyes from my epic rear-endicus-maximus.  It’s a work in progress. Oh yes indeedy!

 

There was a keynote by none other than The Katie Couric.  She has a new afternoon show coming out called… “Katie”.  Brilliant title, no? She also affirmed that a lot of us are Lazy Bloggers.  We certainly are a talented group whose reputations have apparently preceded us.  Here she is. Just in case you think I jest. (And I do believe that she is wearing the very same dress that I was wearing while bowling, above.  However, I also believe I may look slightly better in it.  Yes?)

Katie, being mobbed by some not-so-lazy Bloggers, after all!

 

Remember when Sweetboy asked me to snap a pic of the Statue of Liberty for him?  Well, I think we can all agree that I nailed it.

Try not to envy my physique. It will be hard.

 

And, lastly, because I know you’re just bolted to your seats in awe of the beautiful and not-at-all-blurry-in-any-way photos I have presented thus far, let me present Exhibit Something-Or-Other.

Friendships were formed. Some might even survive despite the desire to wear a bag on one’s head.  Maybe.

Bags on heads and Funny Face Paraphernalia. The stuff that friendships are made of. Can I get an Amen?

Yes, friends, let’s just say that fun was had by all. Mostly.  Mainly.

Neigh, I Say

“Horses – dangerous at both ends and crafty in the middle.”  

(the brilliant) Arthur Conan Doyle

I have a long-standing distrust of horses.  Sorry.  It had to be said.  And the reason why it had to be said, now, is because we have sweet friends that are trying in earnest to get me to take the kids horseback riding.  With them.  As in, with the kids. On the horses. That is terrifying to me.  Remember the scene in the movie “The Godfather” where Jack Woltz wakes up next to a horse head on the pillow? Yeah. That? Is my absolute worst nightmare.  True story.  It’ll be a sweet forever before I get myself near enough to a “neigh” that I can actually hear it.

And Sweetman? Oh, he just loves to rib me about it.  Anytime we take a drive down a country road as a family, and we pass horses, he will pull over and announce to the kids, “Ooh, look guys, horses!  Mama LOVES horses! She loves to pet them and brush their teeth and…”.  You get the idea.  And I shoot daggers out of my eyes as I’m a quivering mess until we get back on the road.  Far far away from the horses.

To that end, I heard the most horrifying news report on NPR yesterday.  I should have slammed my finger against that mute button the moment I heard the intro about “A horse is a horse…”, but no.  I just had to listen to the next 5 words. Which were, “…even when it’s a clone.”.  What’s that now? Apparently, scientists have figured out a way to clone horses.  I’m 101% certain that there are folks on this great planet, lo, even in this very country of ours that need food every single day.  Cloning vegetables or grains that can be used to eradicate hunger? Now that seems like a far more worthy scientific endeavor.  But horses?  Sweet Moses!  Don’t we have enough of them roaming the earth as it is?  To that I say, “Nay”!  Not to be confused with “Neigh”.  No, never to be confused with that.  Indeed!

*I apologize to any readers who adore horses and think they are one of God’s most beautiful creatures.  Let’s agree to disagree on this one, kay? (Cuz I have evidence on my keester from a childhood incident supporting my distrust.)  The end.  Literally and figuratively…*