Harboring bitterness in my heart toward a friend, I decided to vent about it with another friend.
Because, that always works out so well for me!
And so, God waited.
While my friend and I had a catty little chat, God waited.
And heard every hostile word.
Later on that evening, as I poured a dollop of oil into the bubbling pasta water, I started going over the conversation in my head. As the water boiled, so did my envy.
But, God waited.
As I lay in bed that night, I began to feel restless. I turned my bedside lamp back on and pulled out my journal. I grabbed for my Bible and flipped straight to the back. I was on a mission, as I searched for a specific word.
And still, God waited.
When my eyes lit on the word “jealousy” and all of the verses He gives for dealing with that green monster, God finally chose to tap on my heart.
There are moments when the darkness, that resides within me, makes itself so glaringly evident that I’m left gawking at All The Ugly.
God, Himself, tells me that all of His Words are summed up in one simple command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
That I get so wrong, again and again.
God was done waiting.
Patiently, gently, He drew my eyes here:
“But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth.”
Do not deny the truth…
The truth was, the truth is, that I am envious of what comes easier to some than others. I am jealous of the special treatment I think I see some receive over others. It irks me to know that for some, recognition will be quick – and yet never at all for others.
Ultimately, it scares me to think that I might be in with the “others”.
Once again, God’s grace sheds light on my darkness.
You see, He decided a long time ago that He was going to show me special treatment and give me His recognition.
Thankfully, when God decides, it always works out for me.
It became pretty obvious that I needed to call my “other” friend and apologize. For the catty chat, yes.
But more, for not trusting our God enough to remember that there’s room enough for each one of us to stand on The Rock.